I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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