y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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