He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
