And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize