my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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