Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
