so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
two words...techno handjob
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
