Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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