she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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