Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
