I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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