He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize