Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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