I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
