I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
