i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
