So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
