I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
