someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
