I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
