i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize