Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize