i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
