is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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