oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
