Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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