Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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