remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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