she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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