he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
