SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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