So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
