Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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