i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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