Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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