If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My vagina just clenched in fear
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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