saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
