pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
