Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
