After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
