I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
Stop saving videos when youāre using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks Iām into that
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