you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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