i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
