everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
