I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
