I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
