Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize