how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
