I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
