I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
