Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I faked an abortion last night.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
