So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
