Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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