At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
