Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
