You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
