remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
