just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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