I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
