As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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