I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
