Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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