I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
