Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
