my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
