i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
