I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
