No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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