I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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