I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
