What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
