we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
