Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Terrible idea I love it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
