so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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