I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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