As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize