Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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