It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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