I CAN MOONWALK!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
