I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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