there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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