Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
