I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
