I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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