He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
