i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
