my vag is so smooth its legendary
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
