nut hugger
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
