those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
