can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
