Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
