My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
